Suggested Donation was shocked today when a google search provided zero results for the term “starchivist.”

We’re here to change all that.

starchivist (n.) – The Frank Gehry of the information and library sciences field. An iconoclastic and eccentric archivist whose strange but brilliant archiving practices and devastating good looks have propelled her beyond the realm of mere information scientist. Fame and hate status resides somewhere between Paris Hilton and Barry Bonds. Lit., a “star archivist.”

below: #1 google image search result for “best archivist.”


a visit to the shrink: totem and taboo

ripley3heads.jpgRumor has it the American Museum of Natural History still has a shrunken head or two buried deep in the bowels of its collection. Doc Bwana, however, would rather leave fancy words like “repatriation” and “postcolonialism” to the academics in their ivory towers. His online shrunken head museum harbors no such guilt.

And didn’t you know?

Shrunken heads are popular display items in museums, school rooms, and shopping malls everywhere.

the museum that keeps on giving…us things to write about

Our old friends at the Smithsonian are up to it again, this time “toning down” an exhibit on global warming in the arctic to interject some good ol’ fashioned “both sides of the story” “objectivity.”

Among other things, the script, or official text, of last year’s exhibit was rewritten to minimize and inject more uncertainty into the relationship between global warming and humans.

Officials omitted scientists’ interpretation of some research and let visitors draw their own conclusions from the data, he said. In addition, graphs were altered “to show that global warming could go either way,”

The exhibit is hilariously titled “Arctic: A Friend Acting Strangely.” You know, like your friends who act really weird when you shit in their mouths and spit phlegm balls in their eyes and break their air-conditioners so they have to sleep in the sweltering heat. God what is wrong with those friends why are they acting so bizarre and melting and stuff?

The introductory text is positively giddy with regard to this strange–and exciting!–change. Golly gee!

Earlier spring thaws! Later fall freeze-ups! Greater storm impacts! Reduced sea ice! Unfamiliar species of plants and animals! What do these changes mean for the Arctic, its wildlife, its people—and for the rest of the planet?

Luckily for the Smithsonian, it taint the first time, neither. In 2003, photographs of Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge were relocated to a less prominent space in the institution in the midst of the congressional oil drilling debate.

if it ain’t burke, don’t fix it: get your chubby little fingers out of there

More from Potomac swamp country–Lawrence “I’m really not *that*” Small joins the aforementioned Sheila Burke in the conflict of interest scandal at the Smithsonian. Small and Burke both sat on the board of directors at Chubb Insurance Group during their time at the Smith’, and, what do you know, switched their venerable institution over to Chubb in what must have been an independent and lowest-bid scenario. For Small’s part, he’s collected $4.8 million from Chubb since 2000; Burke also netted over a million and was AWOL from her post at the ‘Sonian over 25% of the time.

The Smithsonian’s stated mission is “the increase and diffusion of knowledge.” Small and Burke, you learned us good.

fake ids: not just for teen drinking anymore

Sure, your friends in CorpAm get box tickets to sporting events, an expense account for “power lunches”, the ability to say “power lunch” with a straight face, free car service rides home from work, a good health insurance plan, a 401k (which we just recently learned does not mean a one-time payment of $401,000), and yearly cash bonuses. That ain’t shit compared to the sole Museum employee perk: free admission to all other Museums. Yeah, we look after our own. (Full disclosure: we did receive a bonus in 2006– a purple cashmere scarf purchased with petty cash at a half-off sale at Century 21.)

But sometimes two paid meals, a car service home, and a bonus the size of our last NYSCA grant isn’t enough for our fine feathered friends in the Corporatesphere, so along comes Eric Doeringer, who has so graciously supplied us with templates for fake Museum IDs. Look, we think it’s ridiculous to pay $20 to get in MoMA also, but ante up already. Props though to the imaginary “Kincade Museum,” although the greater part of middle America might be considered as such.

See also: Doeringer’s fake museum t-shirts 

it’s hard out there for a creation museum

flintstone-extra-dinosaur.JPGAs if it isn’t tough enough to run a museum which flies in the face of all scientific fact, now Kentucky’s Creation Museum must contend with a challenge far more spurious than science: a sex scandal. Seems the actor they hired to portray Adam (the Original Man) might have possibly posed next to a drag queen (the horrors!) on an awful, flash-ridden website called Bedroom Acrobat (they disavow any connection to the actor, one Eric Linden; mildly nsfw).

 Mediabistro picks up on the story with some choice excerpts from the hot-and-bothered Curators of Creation:

..”We are currently investigating the veracity of these serious claims of his participation in projects that don’t align with the biblical standards and moral code upon which the ministry was founded,” Answers for Genesis spokesman Mark Looy said in an e-mail statement.

Here’s the museum’s take on a post-Scopes world:

We walk into a dark, dirty neon lit hallway. Some hoodlum kids decided to graffiti the walls with their secular progressive propaganda that Bill-O has warned us about. There is even rampant littering, with newspaper strewn all over the ground. Don’t those kids have any respect anymore? Also, a menacing plastic mouse looks over us, another sign of the Godless mess of a world we’ve created.

On the walls are a series on horrific headlines and stories cut from our Godless Liberal Media publications.

Gay Marriage! Abortion! Evolution in the Schools! Science! School Shootings!

postscript: God may rest on Sunday, but the Creation Museum is open 7 days a week.

The Smithpwnian: Burke ‘n’ stocks are comfortable

Sheila P. Burke, Deputy Secretary of the Smithsonian, resigned on Tuesday due to criticism about her outside earnings over the past 6 years (an estimated 1.2 million).

Quoth the post:

Burke’s resignation came on the eve of an independent report that sources said would criticize her extensive outside activities, including highly compensated corporate board seats, academic appointments, a federal commission that oversees Medicare, and numerous nonprofit organizations.